Just realised my balcony is a nice place to sit and stone.. haha. Now i'm stoning at my balcony, blogging, with cookie beside me. Er, cookie is my dog, not those for eating.. but it'll be nice to have some cookies to eat while i blog too. So windy. So nice. Can hear the water fountain from the pool downstairs. Haven't met any of my neighbours yet though. Hardly go downstairs anyway. except to swim.. to go out.. hey, wait i met one of my neighbours.. he drove me to calvary baptist church the other day. He's a taxi driver ! How cool is that, i was waiting at the bus-stop outside my house and it was getting late. 58 takes a looooong time to show up. Den this taxi drives out from the carpark. And i didn't know he lived here until we started chatting.. haha.

Hmm, so it's the holidays. Haven't gone out yet. Been studying and catching up. Quite boring.. but nice to be able to study after so long. weird huh, never imagined myself saying that either.
Punk rock is very negative! My brother whole day listening to it.. at home it's CD player, blasting the speakers so loudly i can't study.. in the car it's mp3. When he got no mp3 it's playing from his hp. Den whole day so grouchy, pessimistic, defensive. Dunno lah, not like he has a very good relationship with my parents either. At least now we don't fight that often.. but i'm rahter worried for him. Dr Johnny at the rally is right. If we are not grounded firmly in God's word, we are gonna end up following the world. The media is very nonsensical if there's such a word. I used to listen to those kinda songs, get myself sad and depressed like there's no hope left in the world, like it's a lonely world and nobody cares.. but FOR WHAT !! stupid songs, ought not to be produced in the first place. Vicious cycle, the more you listen the more depressing it gets.

Well, am i glad it's over ! shall chuck aside those CDs of mine. Corrine May rox! Haha i find her songs uplifting. Hey, try it! next time you feel down or sad, listen to uplifting music with postive lyrics to encourage yourself, not remind yuorself of the bad stuff that you are going through.

Ok, i'm off to have my lunch now.. Haha

Wow! Thank God for the turn out at the rally last night! God's message to me was clear and simple. "That thing is hindering your walk with me and i want you to surrender it to me" and also, before i can even hope to bring anyone to Christ, i gotta be walking right with him first. Realised that the past few weeks, i've been a rather lousy testimony. Nothing seemed right. Until last night when i finally surrendered everything, and agreed to settle it with God den i began to slowly see what God can do with me. I learnt today in church too that my Joy is not made complete without Christ. And until i let him take the reigns i will never know what my DNA was wired for. God, you created me, use me lord.
All that i am, All that i Have, i lay them down before you O lord!


On a side note, aiyo! people are too narrow minded. We are just close friends. Maybe it's just my personality that when people are friendly to me, i'll be friendly to them too. In school, church, everywhere. And then people get the wrong idea and start speculating.. hilarious. Oh wells.

To VJChoir, sorry guys, i will most likely not join you for the performance this tues, still on MC and i really can't perform either. Don't want to spoil the PM's concert by coughing at inappropriate moments don't you think. Yet my SL has been very understanding, altough the responsibilty should have been mine long ago to take over the section, but he has graciously continued serving the choir till i am once again fit for duty.

Deb and Ariel left for mission trip this morning. I wore my school uniform to go see them off. Just in case.. Haha. But in the end I didn't go to school at all. Oh wells. Take care yah! Come back and share with us about your trips!! Gonna miss you two!
Haha ben nvr take mrt to airport before, was rather excited when the train pulled into the station. I quote him "wah! so big!" lols.

Now i'm at home sorting out my photos from italy. Wow i just realised i took really alot of photos. I got half of them printed and that already amounted to 296 photos. I got no idea how to design a photo album though, mum's good at that, not me. hmm.

Looked through the photos and saw the photo i took with my friends who came to see me off.. so sad, it has to turn out this way. What happened? really? Homewrok stress can really bring out the worst in people. Ah, nvm i shall not be too bothered by it. Although it does feel weird that suddenly people are not talking to you anymore.

My my, it's only 2pm.. still got 3+ more hours before i leave for the youth conference tonight. Heh heh, gonna see dot and mel again. We just said goodbye a few hours ago..

Argh i miss japan.. Haha.

I woke up today at 8.30am. Lina sms me asked me if i'm there yet. Nopes i told her, i'm not going today. I don't feel like going for the bio symposium. Besides, i'm not feeling well. Yup that means i'm not going for choir either. Heard the rehearsal at ite simei was a waste of time anyway. Marcus called me, he sounded disapproving that i didn't turn up for practice today. Oh who cares. For those who bother to notice, i've been faithfully going for every single prac. So forgive me for falling sick just this once. Not like i need your forgiveness.

So, what did i do this whole day. Apart from spending close to 2hrs looking for a new blogskin, which isn't exactly very nice. I watched random tv shows.. read a book.. ate.. slept.. played with cookie.. Oh my, is that all i did ? Wow i had the perfect opportunity to catch up with my school work and i didn't. Why? I dunno, maybe cos i dun feel like it ?

You keep on complaining about how lost u feel in school, like u can't catch up, you want to give up. Well look around ! Hello, what you want me to say ? Can u for goodness sake stop acting like you are the only one on the verge of giving up. I have far more commitments than you i think. And i'm in a more precarious state i think. Stop it please, the next time you start ranting i swear i'll ignore you. Acting like such a pathetic sorry-lil-me. Look around, i'm feeling it too. And i'm supposed to comfort you all this while as you whimper and whine. When was the last time you asked me how i was doing!

It's okay, i will not be affected by that. Everytime someone says to me "you studied?" i shall reply with a "yea, what's wrong with that!" That's if i ever do get around to studying. Just because i make an effort to listen during lectures and remember certain stuff and talk about them, u get a shock and exclaim "wow what a display of intellegence" Am i sposed to feel guilty? Am i sposed to tell you whenever i study ! Get a life ! Go do your own studying.

I'm sorry but i really cannot stand it when people say "You studied ?!" And act like studying is a sin, an improper act, not to be mentioned in public. I'm going to start mugging my way through the june holidays and it's none of anybody's business whether i get straight As or what's after D ? Yah !

A full time student. My goal, straight As for A levels.
To the innocent readers, really sorry you guys have to read this yah, i'm in a frustrated mood today. :)

crap i just blogged and den i accidentally click the wrong button and the whole chunk disappeared.

Anyway, i told myself to fall sick by saturday so i can skip choir prac, and who knows, i really fell sick. But i still went for prac anyway. So dumb. Now i can't sing without hurting my voice. I think choir really needs a break. Come on, we deserve a break. But i guess it's true that we should get it done before Mr kwei leaves so he can comment. But so many of us have lost our voices, either partially or completely. Alot of us also got no mood to sing. We should focus during combines and sectionals, yeah definitely i agree. I was also quite irritated with those people who were not singing properly just because they didn't feel like singing. But yet, i emphatise with them for not wanting to sing. The year 2s are leaving soon. I'm going to really miss them. I feel closer to the year2s than the year 1s.

My studies are so gone case right now, i'm going to start studying for mid years once the june holidays start. So now i'm still going to slack . I realise that the singapore admission to university criteria is based on A level results and not based on other more important things such as interest, passion, commitment and excellence in that particular area. Since there is not pre-requisite for psychology, i just gotta do well for all my subjects. Yay, easy for u to say. Yah that's why i realise i gotta start mugging.

Johnnie u creep.

Well apart from that, SOV 06 totally rawked !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But i'm so sad that it's over. Soon all the seniors will be gone and choir will be half as fun. SOV fun man !! Glad that all those who came think so too. wah confite and binama went sharp like crazy.. dunno wat note we hit man. i think got at least 1 tone sharp.. siow.. but fun! hehe if u can reach lah. Today nicholas style my hair! Haha. Nice ! but i still dunno how he did it.. argh. i think i shall jus go cut short. Second half songs so nice. i finally got all the choreo correct. Some people ar ! a while nvr sing pamungun only forget the parts liao. tsk tsk. ok lah, me too ! hehe. After that "double encore".. choir went beserk backstage. haha, wild, screaming, nuts. crap my camera no batt.. it's ok, other ppl brought camera. haha.

Thanks to all who came !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hope u had a great time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hope u are looking forward to SOV 07 :p

Eh so rubbish lor, somehow i got the idea that my friends were going for supper, so somehow i told my parents that i shall go home on my own, and somehow in the process i abandoned my church friends for my classmates, and somehow my classmates went home after that, and somehow i was left hanging..
YAY for Shi Hui, Josiah and Hu ping.
Sorry for not knowing who is realiable to say wat they mean and mean wat they say.
I feel bad for not leaving with my church friends. sort of like felt i betrayed them, who's friendship i know to be genuine. Yet, i decided i'd hang around with my classmates and literally hung around.. den went home. Ask u 2 to join Shi hui Josiah hu ping and i, u all dun wan, den after that met u 2 at breadtalk.. wah. diao.

argh, enuf of that crap, i really need a break from choir lah ! practice this sat ?? are u mad ???
i'm gonna eat lots of chocs, chilli and friend stuff to lose my voice !! haha kidding, but u get the idea. Okay, it's almost 1am, and i got bio a level SPA tmr. talk about a hectic life. aye, dun care lah, it's only a levels...

hmm wat shall i blog about now.. i'm in school and i'm sposed to be studying for chi prelim oral which is nio about an hours time. but... aye, dun care lah, :p

woah tj choir can dance.. haha. Singing not bad lah, dun be to hard on yourselves.. considering u all got really little people. Haha just before the concert i wanted to go toilet ! then the usher upstaris tell me the nearest is in the canteen downstairs and the usher downstairs tell me it's upstairs.. aiyo.. so i decided i'll go during intermission.. tsk tsk ACS barker is too BIG. Tj choir walked in from the back singing their song. So cool. Too bad Vj can't do that at the esplanade.. too big liao. Mr kan was like " can't we repeat the song ? " Oh sheesh, honestly who repeats a gregorian chant? who repeats ANY song for that matter.. nvm back to tj concert.
WOW u all must have really practiced hard lah, the second half really very nice. hehe. but so fast end liao. Photo time!! haha yay, finally see u in person after so long. Hope valentine doesn't get jealous eh, take care of that puppy.. :p was thinking of a name for it but i guess i shall leave it to you. Shouldn't have taken cab. journey so short. Haha. So bad, chase me away when 31 come. hehe. anyway since chi oral is soon, i shall end in chinese. "bu yong ke qi, shi ying gai de" :)

Choir is a very heavy commitment. So heavy that concert is next week and we are still NOT having practice everyday. People are complaining that choir is a very heavy commitment. It is so heavy that our concert is next week and we still make it a point to end practice by 7.30pm no matter whether or not we have finished the day's agenda. People are complaining that choir is a very heavy commitment.

What's wrong with these people !! Are they blind or are they deaf !! concert is next week and they are complaining of long practices. Show me you know your music, complain all you want and i won't say a thing. Without concert, choir for wat, you want concert, you complain for what, you don't want concert, you join choir for wat ?!

Professionalism indeed. Winners of the Riva Del Garda GRAN PREMIO !!! what's this crap that you don't want to come for practice. Irresponsible, selfish let down.



Right now i just wanna get this concert over and done with, it's fun to sing all those songs, but i can't seem to get used to coming home after nine almost everyday of the week. I hope after SOV choir won't be so heavy. I hope to be able to study after this. Right now, i have given up studying totally. Whatever free time i have, i'll be resting, from a day's school and choir practice. If i use whatever free time i have to study, i'll just go crazy. If these few days, i appear stressed and tempermental, i'm sorry but please bear with me. It happens when our day begins at 730 and ends at 730. 24-7.

Me: Why are things the way they are ?
God: There's a reason for everything

Me: Oh yea, tell me
God: In due time

Me:Honestly, i really dun wanna know, i just want it my way
God: My ways are higher

Me: Yah, then why am i suffering so much misery
God: Trials and tribulations come to mould character

Me: Oh yea, and if this carries on, i'm gonna go mad and not have any spirit left to mould
God: Come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest

Me: Yah, wat do u think i'm doing talking to you?
God: Den why do you doubt

Me: Cos nothing seems to be happening, it seems worse now
God: Why is it worse now ?

Me: .. fine, but you can't expect me to turn cold all of a sudden right ?
God: Insulate yourself from the world but not isolate

Me: And if i continue to insulate, i'm gonna wear out soon
God: My grace is sufficent for you

Me: Doesn't seem so right now..
God: U have not surrendered to my will !!

Me: i... i want to but..
God: yes??

Dear God, i need your help, i am unable to do this on my own, carry me and let me soar on wings like eagles, let me run and not grow weary, God you promised !!! But i keep getting reminded of it, of how much i want it, God give me an extra portion of grace to withstand the temptation please ? God, i dunno who to talk to but you, everything else has it's complications, and i'm afraid i might hurt others if i confide in them. So hear i am, please dun leave me alone in this.