Through the course of 3 months I have come to realize that I cannot live without God. I tried to live without God… not that I wanted to, but I felt like God didn’t love me anymore. I complained to him that he was leaving me to struggle through life alone. Starting a new year, in a new school, the cycle of making new friends was starting all over again; only thing was that I was not prepared for it. I was not at peace with God. I could not be at peace with men. I became very withdrawn and unenthusiastic about everything. As a result, I did not get along well with my new classmates. I felt more alone than ever, what spending an average of 8-9 hours in school a day. Because I blamed God, I stopped doing quiet time. Honestly, I felt like “what’s the point when God doesn’t care! “ A vicious cycle was established, I began to distance even more from God. I still continued to serve in church, but my heart was not in my service. Sunday after Sunday I would come before God and ask him to be real in my life, I was still struggling. But as school dragged on, I began to let go of the life buoy which kept me afloat in this vast ocean I found myself in. I began to lose faith in God, I didn’t tell anyone as I couldn’t come to terms with it myself. I found myself in depressing situation in school, problems after problems arose.
Only last Sunday when I shared about it with a few people did I realize that it was since I stopped walking closely with God that my life became all messed up. I was struggling alone, trying to tread water to when there was a perfectly good life buoy beside me. It was me who had chosen to let go, chosen not to study God’s word and apply it. To know God, I first had to know about him.
It struck me hard when my friend who wasn’t a believer came to me and told me that “God would take care of all my problems if I let him.” How right he was in saying that! How ashamed I was to forget that. Without God I can really do nuts… I need Him, and through these 3 months, he has shown me how frail I am without Him. Through this experience I have really grown a lot, experiencing first hand God’s unfailing love. I learnt that when we admit we need God and come to him totally surrendered, He will take you into his arms and embrace you. Yet, I know that in years to come, more of such trials and tribulations are in store. Only I pray that God will prepare me to face them. I know I will be able to, because God is my rod and my staff; he is my shepherd, who has promised to “never leave me nor forsake me.” A verse, or rather, part of a verse which I never really understood until now.
If you feel God isn’t real in your life anymore, I suggest you repent and invite Him back in. Because He didn’t leave on his own accord, you kicked him out! But take heart, because God has promised that if anyone would open the door to Him, He will come in and eat with him. God bless.
10:07 PM
Me
Frederick Yeo
Victoria School
Victoria Junior College
06s33
Choir
