PW toady was fun. Mr shi brought us to east coast to spent some time by the beach thinking about our projects. At first i was sitting under a coconut tree. But then i realised gravity had already been discovered and there was no need to wait for a coconut to drop onto my head. So i went walking along the beach. Picked up a few seashells. Found a tiny crab claw too. It's about half a centimetre long, only the shell was left. It was so brittle that it chipped twice on my way home.

Anyway i didn't feel like thinking about PW. So i jus used the time alone to talk to God and ask him questions. He told me "No". Oh well. Although i really would like the answer to be yes, i guess i'm gonna trust God to direct my path for me and lead me according to his perfect will. His ways are higher than mine.

Okay so i wanted to blog about last sunday when a few of us went out together.. but debo already blogged liao.. hmm.. anyway, we went to watch a film called Singapre gaga at the arts house.. cool ! i've never been there before! Was about common sights in singapore.. got one part about the auntie that sells tissue paper at simei.. i think she very poor thing lei.. but she seems rather happy, sittting in her wheelchair paddling tissue papers, singing her $1 song. She sings christian songs in hokkien to cheer herself up when she's sad too ! so cool, after that i sing to myself too. Makes me happy. We walked around for a bit, go esplanade, met the SC ad-hoc people.. elise joined us at marina, went to play pool.. Oh man Debo so funny lah.. k shall not disgrace her here.. =p kidding. Then we went bowling. Oh man ! That day i on-form man!! so fun! played 2 games, 1st score 141, next 160. That's my best and third best scores in my life !! I was singing inside. Can't remember what songs but i know they were christian songs, inspired by the tissue paper auntie.. haha. Oh and i realised how much we can become a stumbling block to others when we're not careful. Like when i accidentally said something when playing pool. Then i heard debo say to elise "frederick just said... " oops. I didn't mean to ! sorry! argh, gotta keep a closer check on myself from now on. After that weiqin and bear had to rush off. Today bear told me they ran all the way from marina back to esplanade, through the city link to city hall. Crazy people. Sheesh.. So the rest of us went off to get ice-cream.. oh man, i should stop eating so much. Or else cannot pass Napfa, somemore go italy sure eat alot.. haiz. Eh, fishball ?? hmm, nvm. MP3 promotes anti-social behaviour. Especailly when travelling together in public transport. tsk tsk.

Great so now i am totally not focused on my school work. Got mountain loads of unfinished tutorials. So many things happening at the same time. Gotta pack for Italy, gotta pack to shift house, gotta send the dog for grooming. Gotta brush up on songs for choir. Now cannot slack anymore, eyes are gonna be following me. toatlly mixed feelings about being SL lei. Hiaz, it's an honour definetely. But the responsibility !! It's VJChoir lei, not jus any lousy crap choir.. Being SL in vs is one thing.. VJ.. i dream last sat night that i couldn't lead the section.. no one was following me at all.. argh. Sheesh. Stress man. God help me!!

Sat morning followed my parents out for breakfast. They were at loggerheads with each other. As always.. they can't seem to communicate without agression. It's so irritating. I love school, it's peaceful. Mum doesn't speak kindly to dad.. nowadays dad jus sighs and keeps quiet. Sunday morning i got so fed up i said in the car that "i should spend more time at my friends' houses so i can experience a loving and peaceful family, so that i can model after them next time when i have my own family cos sadly i have no example to fall back on" i think that was rather hurtful. i didn't want to say it at first but.. to my astonishment, mum just continued to talk about shifting to the new house, all the administrative stuff. I decided not to bother and took out my mp3 to listen to music.. in the car! I dunno, i find that i can't really talk to my parents.. they either dun wanna know anything or they dunno how to start a convo. I told them something that i never thought i would. That day during lunch at CHIJMES. BGR stuff.. den when i came home my dad was like "hi romeo" Wah, thanks a lot.. I know he's jus joking lah.. but, that's one reason i won't tell them stuff. They dun seem to take me seriously. "Okharna means family.. family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. " Haha, i love lilo and stich!! Stich so cute.. okay, no link..

Oh wells gotta go.. still got chinese compo, math tutorial, bio tutoiral, chem tutorial, GP assignment, econs worksheet, gotta pack my room, organize my file, start a quiet time journal, think of games for youth camp... "yay"

Aunty Judy went back to The Philipines yesterday. Today had to make my own breakfast for the first time in years.. too lazy ! Haha. Well for one thing mum woke me up at 8.13 and said in a very lound booming voice, okok so her voice doesn't boom.. but it doesn't screech either.. anyway, she said "FRED WAKE UP, IT'S 8.30!! " Can you understand the frustration u get when you are cheated of 15min of sleep ?! Sheesh, and we reached church so early too. Oh anyway, back to breakfast.. yea, i regretted being lazy cos as soon as i stepped out of the house i felt hungry !! Haha.

Sunday school's BGR series.. haiz, wat happens if u realise u like someone who doesn't share the same set of believes as u do ?? crap all they could say was.. you'll be miserable.. thanks alot. Haiz, pray pray pray ! I must ! pray pray pray! I will. Haha, at least i talked to someone about it.. thanks for listening! Haiz, i'm afraid to like you ! how ?? K fine, sentence sounds wrong.. Nvm. Again i shall refer to Corrinne May's song.. everything in it's time. Yeah.

Well car rally was fun! Haha although i more or less just spent the whole time at the check-point talking to Yue Qun. Nice talking to ya, you know wat i mean. Aye should have made the teams do some silly things before giving them the clues to the next checkpoint.

Right, so it's really hard to blog when u are signed in to msn!! sheesh, okok, shall stop here todae, school's starting tmr !!! great. not.

Today was a rollercoaster of emotions for me.

Woke up at 8am and played the piano for bout an hour before getting ready to go play badminton at whampoa cc. Yeah ! finally got to play with Elaine again ! Haha.. bully me lah, 2 on 1.. Camilla was thirsty so we crossed the road to the coffee shop to get drinks. I'm quite cautious now when i cross the road.. i'm afraid uncle sha may suddenly appear from no where again. Played from 1130 till 1330, cheryl was sposed to come at 1 but she sick so could not make it. Elaine quite disappointed.. haha. Den we walked to Boon Keng mrt to eat at Macs.. Eh it's so much nearer !! Compared to taking a bus from Little india station, which we did, to get there in the morning. Oh i met Si Xuan at dhouby ghaut.. heh heh, i finally know how to spell Dhouby ghaut. Anyway, he was going to Gen Rong's house to prac for music fest together with Irvin.. Good luck guys ! Do VJChoir proud!! Okay, back to where we left off. I tried the chicken fan-tastic at macs today, it's not that bad lah, dunno why so many people say it's not nice. Oh well.. That sorta concluded the morning.. oh ya, got this weird auntie standing us and talking to some imaginary person "eh it's getting late already, i think we should go home now" We were standing outside Boon Keng station wondering what to do next.. suddenly i realise the auntie was there and i thought she was elaine's elder or something.. good thing i didn't wave man !! Cos that would be totally embarrasing and imagine the weird auntie suddenly talk to me how?? So we quickly walked into the station and guess what, yup she sorta followed us.. good thing not all the way to the ticket gantry. Shucks man i still thinking of Ju-on.. thanks choir ad-hoc.. ok, back on track, why do i keep going out of piont? Den at Dhoby Ghaut i took the wrong train which went in the opposite direction.. sheesh, first time.. i think my dreams about mrts are coming to life. Oh well at least i realised almost immediately.

So after that i was walking home from Kembagan and i called deborah to say that i was reaching home soon. They wanted to come over (help me pack) Haaa. At first we were sposed to go crystal jade cos deborah wanna treat us for having survived SC camp. Since i couldn't make it, they decided to come over instead.. aw how nice. In the end poor elise fell sick and couldn't come. Haha, oh well.. it was already kinda late anyway. The elation from playing badminton was slowing ebbing away..

It's okay, so i reached home and started packing my room. Today had to pack all my stuffed toys.. Big cupboards, 2 drawers, 1 big box, and my bed full of them. I dug up so many old stuffed toys together with the memories that came together with them. So sad, i had to throw them away.. Quite depressing, was sitting on my piano chair and stoning.. actually when i stone i'm actually reminiscing about the pass.. and i do that quite alot. They came from all the way when i was one.. that big triceratops.. dogs, bears, birds. Oh well, one thing about me is i'm very sentimental.. good or bad.. i think it's neither. Or both. So i was sad and depressed.

Then dad came home with supper ! Alright, now i'm happy again! Haha. I saw the drinks he bought.. "bitter-lemon" Haha, perfect.

Oh yea!
i just packed 3 boxes of stuff from my room.. dunno when i'll continue though.. at most shift house and leave all my stuff behind for the next owner lor... hmm. Dug up my old journals, so fun to read.. now evcerything is digitalised.. all online.. but nothing beats a written journal.. maybe i shd print my blog and keep it in a file!

I just realised i might have found you ! hmm..

WOW, choir camp totally rawked !!

ooga-shagga Se..
ooga-shagga ven..
ooga-shagga Seven Seven
BURN !!!

haaa, grp 7 cheer, courtesy of Lydia
ALRIGHT, 3rd place !!! yea, grp 7 rox!!

Wah, first time i watched Ju-on, hehe i screamed at the scene where the stupid ghost come out from under the bench!! haha but everyone was screaming together.. LT4.. sheesh, just before night walk.. wow, Sam apparently scared many many people !!

Amazing race !! face paint.. sheesh, everyone in orchard was staring lah, so we decided to wash it off in the end and give the excuse that our sweat washed it off.. kept the tofu in a plastic cup, kept the egg in Lydia's socks.. eeyuck :p First station at wheelock, transfer marshmallow from toothpick to toothpick by mouth, no hands. Next, went suntec for face paint, next went cineleisure to take photo with spiderman, and dance para para, not me lah, i too shy to dance in arcade. Den went esplanade for charades, wow, Lydia's good, but Yan Yu did most of the guessing. Den went One Raffles Link where David spent 3hrs breathing in second-hand smoke.. poor him, the sacrifice he made as station master.. :p, had to memorise some art piece and piece it together on paper.. den went Rayner's house to get our "life shark" ( Mee sua, with fish biscuit ---> sua he=life shark) Oh and forgot to mention, Lydia and Issabel got hit by a taxi!! Actually they banged into it as it turned into the drive way!! Sheesh, that was scary! Iin the end we arrived second !! Hmm thanks to uncle sha..

Station games !! fun, Marie got dunked in the algae water !! muahaha, and i'm proud to say i had a hand in it !! heh heh.. Asik's soccer skills pro man !! and surprisingly Marie also can score 2 goals lah!! wah.. many people got blisters.. flour sweet looked gross but tasted quite nice !! Haha

Small group testing was quite alright.. except jeremy yeo almost failed the basses.. maybe taht's why we could do "Hear my prayer O Lord" so well !! wow, Shi Hui felt like crying when she listened to it !!

Sleeping was... wat sleep!! kept dreaming bits here and there for half-an-hour a time, waking up, staring out of the window and hoping for the sun to rise and then falling back asleep again disappointed.. so cold lah, air-con 16 degrees, dunno who's the nut !! And the food was not too bad either.. yeah ! good jobs guys.. and girls..

CREDIAMO !!!

Through the course of 3 months I have come to realize that I cannot live without God. I tried to live without God… not that I wanted to, but I felt like God didn’t love me anymore. I complained to him that he was leaving me to struggle through life alone. Starting a new year, in a new school, the cycle of making new friends was starting all over again; only thing was that I was not prepared for it. I was not at peace with God. I could not be at peace with men. I became very withdrawn and unenthusiastic about everything. As a result, I did not get along well with my new classmates. I felt more alone than ever, what spending an average of 8-9 hours in school a day. Because I blamed God, I stopped doing quiet time. Honestly, I felt like “what’s the point when God doesn’t care! “ A vicious cycle was established, I began to distance even more from God. I still continued to serve in church, but my heart was not in my service. Sunday after Sunday I would come before God and ask him to be real in my life, I was still struggling. But as school dragged on, I began to let go of the life buoy which kept me afloat in this vast ocean I found myself in. I began to lose faith in God, I didn’t tell anyone as I couldn’t come to terms with it myself. I found myself in depressing situation in school, problems after problems arose.

Only last Sunday when I shared about it with a few people did I realize that it was since I stopped walking closely with God that my life became all messed up. I was struggling alone, trying to tread water to when there was a perfectly good life buoy beside me. It was me who had chosen to let go, chosen not to study God’s word and apply it. To know God, I first had to know about him.

It struck me hard when my friend who wasn’t a believer came to me and told me that “God would take care of all my problems if I let him.” How right he was in saying that! How ashamed I was to forget that. Without God I can really do nuts… I need Him, and through these 3 months, he has shown me how frail I am without Him. Through this experience I have really grown a lot, experiencing first hand God’s unfailing love. I learnt that when we admit we need God and come to him totally surrendered, He will take you into his arms and embrace you. Yet, I know that in years to come, more of such trials and tribulations are in store. Only I pray that God will prepare me to face them. I know I will be able to, because God is my rod and my staff; he is my shepherd, who has promised to “never leave me nor forsake me.” A verse, or rather, part of a verse which I never really understood until now.

If you feel God isn’t real in your life anymore, I suggest you repent and invite Him back in. Because He didn’t leave on his own accord, you kicked him out! But take heart, because God has promised that if anyone would open the door to Him, He will come in and eat with him. God bless.

Alright.. so i put it on my blog and did not tell you straight.. know why ?? cos i'm willing to let it pass and look past it to see u for who u are !! Seeing Christ in everyone.. i wrote it in my diary so as to get it out of my head.. so it stops bothering me..

Look, if it really hurt, i'm sorry !! Didn't mean to, but as said, if it really hinders our friendship, i would have told u to stop. Who said i never considered u friends, i did, i do, and will always.

Yay, choir todae was fun.. haha, small group zhu liguan was crap.. :p basses no sound.. hehe, i don't dare sing out cos my ear blocked later go out of tune.. heh heh DEAF.. hmm.. Anyways, tomorrow is choir camp !!! Oh yea, i hope it's fun, sing sing sing.. haha, den got amazing race.. eh why did i get posted to another group ??? haiz, group 8 seemed fun. Oh well, shall go with an open heart and see wat tomorrow brings..

gotta go eat dinner

So, now that i've moved on from friendster blogs to blogspot.com , you guys can finally have a break from all that irritating automatic emails friendster sends out when i update my blog..
Anyway, it's been 3 months since i entered a real post. Not counting the most recent one in which i was forced to publish by a some "can't wait to know wat's going on with me" people..

I wonder if they really want to know about me cos they are concerned. Or is it so they can have this feeling of being in the know.. Some people gossip too much for their own good. I hate it when people gossip ! I don't like them, i can't stand them, i hate it ! I won't say i hate them as that would be passing a judgement upon them which is exactly what i cannot stand about them. They go all over the place judging people by their appearence, criticising the way they behave, as though they themselves are saints. I have flaws myself, and i begin to wonder what they say about me behind my back.

Somehow school has become a drag.. when u realise the "friends" that you have are not exactly your idea of a friend.

It's also hard to make new friends in my class cos people have already their own cliques, and they have already formed an impression of u. That day deborah sprained her ankle.. Stupid george, ask me to carry her!! it's bad enough people think i'm interested in her when i am not k! so jus shut up !! you put me in such a spot lah ! i don't want to give people the wrong impression and and the same time i don't want to come across as an uncarring idiot..

I felt so at ease sitting with Ann siong, Weiqin, Krishnan and hanteng that day during lunch break. Good friends are hard to come by, thanks guys! Don't need to listen to "character critisism 101". Oh and orientation 2 was not bad.. except the non-OGLS all abandoned ship halfway through.. but i made new friends with people from 06s36, people like me ! Haha ! Ginny, rachel, hui min.. every cell of my body was smiling when u said i belonged with ur class ! haha, sadly i'm not in ur class.. but no matter.. Vj is small enough. After a gruelling 2 and a half months of finding ur place in school i finally found people i can relate to.

Just came home from choir "crazy talentime" aka horny night! Haha basses won !!! cool ! U rock jeremy !! u and ur star wars episode 2.5..
Haha. Suddenly i realise that my life isn't so screwed up after all.. it's a long way to go. Mountains to climb, valleys to venture through.. the road twists and turns but so long as u stay on it, u will never get lost. Smile and the whole world smiles with you.. thanks Johnnie !